


Haunted by the ghost of you

by Thery



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-06 18:27:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16392851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thery/pseuds/Thery
Summary: What if instead of Adam, Shiro was the one who died?The story is settled after season 7. Everything is the same except Shiro died in the fight with Sendak.





	Haunted by the ghost of you

**Author's Note:**

> This is like a bad end au? At least for Keith. I don’t really know why I wrote this, I just wanted to create something sad and dark because my life is exactly like that haha. Sorry to make Adam the bad guy here but it’s just for the plot. Also, sorry for my English, it's still difficult to write in this language and I am still learning.

 The apartment on the fifteenth floor had one of those privileged views towards the bay. The lights of the warm sunsets filtered through the large windows, filling the quiet living room with orange shades. It was a daily show that Keith didn’t miss. From his usual spot on the floor, he always got lost in the stunning view. Even when sometimes he felt like a stranger in that place, after all, the apartment belonged to Adam. He didn’t want to feel like another piece of furniture, but with his lack of response he was already becoming part of the decoration.   

Of course, that was not Adam's fault.

The fault was all his own and it all started when Shiro died.

One of the things that Keith regretted the most was not telling Shiro that he loved him too. Behind his admiration and affection, there was a deeper love. One he had been afraid to accept for so many years.

After the fight with Sendak, Keith planned to tell Shiro everything. Something told him that their feelings would be mutual and then, finally they could dedicate time to their relationship completely.

In the end, everything was like a frustrated dream, lost in Keith's mind.

There was nothing left of the leader and paladin he once knew. The flame that kept him surviving constantly went out together with Shiro. Now he was just an empty body that hardly breathed. If it were not for Adam's help, maybe he would be with Shiro now. Whenever that was.

The thought grew to such an extent that it become Keith's number one obsession.

"How can you ask me something like that?" Adam grunted with a severe look on his tired face.

The question brought him back to reality. Keith noticed he was spacing out again, because he didn’t remember he was having an argument with Adam. Keith ignored him, shifting his gaze to the floor-to-ceiling window that leaded to the balcony. The sky was greyish on the outside due to the fog falling over the city.

It was nighttime already.

"You have lost your mind."

Maybe Adam was right.

Keith didn’t reply. Instead, he hugged his knees to his chest. Those words caused him the fervent desire to run to the balcony and jump. He wasn’t sure if he would do it for him, or for the satisfaction of winning the argument with Adam. 

"Just let me die in peace, will you?" He finally muttered.

Sometimes thinking about death felt like relief, even knowing it was selfish and immature. The mere thought of death kept him functioning. It was the only thing that mattered now.

"I will not let you do it in my apartment." Adam ran his fingers through his hair, letting out a frustrated sigh. "Shiro would not like to see you in this state. He believed that you were capable of doing better than this. "

Keith frowned. "That's playing dirty."

"It's the truth."

Adam knew perfectly well that he was trying too hard to become Takashi's replacement. That didn’t matter to him. He loved Shiro in the past, he knew him well enough to understand why Keith loved him to this extent. But his love for Takashi died when he met Keith for the first time.

"You are no longer a rebellious kid, Keith. I know you've been through a lot, but you can’t stay locked here forever. "

Keith looked at him. Intense and empty. He hated being treated with that patronizing tone.

Adam wasn’t his father nor Shiro, he didn’t have the right to make him feel this vulnerable. Suddenly he felt back in the academy, being scolded by the director. However, now Shiro was no longer there to tell him that he was capable and that he would never give up believing in him.

He still remembered exactly what Shiro told him once.

_“You can do this. I would never give up on you. But more importantly you can’t give up on yourself.”_

His words years ago echoed in his mind. Keith immediately put his hands to his ears and closed his eyes tightly. Hoping that all this was a terrible nightmare, and when he opened his eyes again, everything would be as it should. Shiro would be the person he would wake up with every day till they were old and grey.

But after opening his eyes nothing changed. Adam's frustrated expression was still there, in the middle of the messy living room.

Adam sighed.

"I can’t stand this anymore," he exclaimed, walking to the main door. "I'm going out. At least take your medication, would you?”

Keith tensed, but said nothing.

Adam put his coat on and closed the door tightly before leaving.

Keith stared at the front door. The only door that separated him from reality and the pain of being alive. He no longer knew where home was and each day that passed, the apartment felt more like a prison than a safe place. Resigned, he lifted himself from his spot on the floor and locked himself inside the bathroom.

 

***

He had been under the water for more than half an hour now, letting the heat of it burn his skin.

Keith took shelter under the rain of the shower thinking that in that way he would cling to reality. But there were those gray eyes, reflected in the tiles on the wall, reminding him that kindness existed, that someone could believe in him until the end.

Mocking him for everything he lost when he lost Shiro.

Without any other thought, he turned off the water tap. He left the shower, wrapping his bony figure to shrink on the floor next to the bed. He glanced at the room shattered by his hands in one of those common outbursts of anger. He picked up the two pills and ignored the glass of water that Adam left in the nightstand, instead he went to the kitchen looking for something else.

Alcohol was his only friend now. He lost touch with everything and everyone until the point time stopped mattering. He wasn’t in the mood to look at the world continuing without Shiro. Keith didn’t want to be part of a shitty world like that. At least, that was he thought at his sixth shot of vodka.

 

***

Adam arrived home late that night.

The bitterness of the argument from the afternoon remained still, like a thorn irritating the skin of his throat. Adam returned home with the idea of a truce because he couldn’t keep up the rhythm of constant arguments.    

"Keith?" He asked walking through the hallway, looking for him in every room.

There wasn’t any reply.

Moonlight leaked through the curtains of the main bedroom, illuminating a sedated figure resting on the floor near the bed. Keith was shivering, his body naked except for his underwear. He didn’t look peaceful, but his breathing was low, even.     

"Shiro ..." He whispered.

Great, Keith was drunk again.

Adam cursed under his breath. His patience finally shattered into pieces. He was exhausted. He had been suppressing his anger for too long under his apparent calm and he couldn’t take this anymore.

He was not Takashi.

And he would never be.

If he kept competing with a ghost for Keith’s love, he would also become one in the process.

"Until when are you going to continue with this shit!" He yelled, shaking him by the shoulders. "What do you want from me?

Keith widened his eyes. Immediately, he tried to get away from Adam's firm grip.

"Do you want me to scold you like a fucking kid?"

Keith’s eyes dropped down. His face was hot, and he didn’t know if it was from rage, embarrassment or a combination of both.

"No,” he answered abruptly. “And I do not want anything from you."

Nothing besides what's left of Shiro in you, he thought.

Keith released his wrist from Adam’s grasp.

"Are you sure? Then tell me, why are you still living here? Why do you sleep in my bed? "

Keith looked away.

“I don’t know,” he slurred.

Adam scoffed, making Keith feel smaller.

Adam sat on the bed with a resigned sigh. “Look, I’m not going to force you to stay here, to be with me. If you want to break up, I won’t—”

“No!” Keith snapped, eyes wide open. He grabbed Adam by the forearm, capturing his attention.  “Please don’t do that. You can’t just leave me.”

His heart in his throat made him feel like he was going to choke in any moment. Keith was starting to panic. What will happen with him if Adam wasn’t there to support and bring him to reality? He would definitely lose the fragile grasp of sanity he was trying to cling to.   

“You are going to get rid of me.” Keith hissed with trembling lips. He covered his face with his hands, trying to get a hold of himself.

For a moment, Keith couldn’t process the situation. Who would have said he was so easy to break?

“It’s not like that…” Adam spoke softly, pulling away Keith’s hands from his face, making him to look at his eyes “Keith, I need you to understand that I don’t have a problem at being here for you, but I am not made of steel.  I know you loved him, and it hurts me seeing you suffer like this, but he’s not coming back, and you need to accept that. At least if you want to continue with me.”  

Adam cupped his cheeks with his warm and soft hands. Looking at Keith like he was the most precious person in the whole world. Of course, Keith didn’t need more proof than a gentle expression in those sincere eyes. He would return the feeling if he could, but it was too late now.

“I can’t, Adam. I just… it’s not that simple,” tried to explain Keith, feeling more confused than ever.

Adam guided him to sit on the bed next to him.

“Do you love me?” He asked, trailing his thumb over Keith’s cheekbones in a soothing caress. In return, Keith took his hand and kissed his knuckles one by one.   

“Of course, I do.”

But not like Shiro, he thought. Never like him.

Keith hugged Adam, looking for a refuge in the crook of his neck. An attempt to hide away the lies written all over his gaunt face. Adam drew his fingers lazily over his naked back, feeling his bones quiver under the touch.

“Then I want you to show me, that love of yours.”

**Author's Note:**

> okay, I have like three routes for this fic and still can’t decide which one to take. I shouldn’t use fanfics as a copying mechanism, but my life is a mess and for some reason I identify with Keith, so this is what resulted.  
> Please i would like to know your opinion on this!


End file.
